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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

### CONFUSION PTSD ####

Venus turns direct today - yayyyyyyyyy - but of course like everything else we won't feel it for a bit longer......  Saturn the taskmaster turned direct on Monday - but that we still can't feel...

Feel like you are in LIMBO?  Well I do.......

Although I am usually full of comforting words for friends and family, I cannot find those words for myself today......

All I can think of is what I have lost :( 

My rational brain says it's only a car - but it also says you will never have a car like that again.

When I think about the accident, I cannot remember the impact - I remember seeing the car coming fast in my rearview mirror - but then it's like I left my body and came back into it when my husband yelled - she's trying to leave..... another hit and run – nooooo…. 

My neck felt funny and I was dazed - but I had the babies in the car, I was on the way to my Son's Wedding Rehearsal - the last thing I had time for was being hurt.  I had a massage last week because I could not walk on my feet...  My wonderful massage therapist said it was like I absorbed the accident into my hip, legs, feet and hands - the word neuropathy came up - the words ego came up, the image of "Fred Flintstone” came to mind........  How can I be hurt?  I have no patience for a lengthy healing....  Go to the doctor - no - not me - I don't want any drugs - one Tylenol is all my gut can handle..... Months of P/T, who’s going to pay for that????? 

So the waiting has been awful.....  My car was totaled....  My ego was totaled - I know it's sounds pathetic - do you really have to go through the 5 stages of grief over a car???
Well, I guess I do....  and it's not really that much easier on my body...... 

This is an ascension year for many of us....  yeah - maybe that's it....  maybe I am not really hurt, it would take the doctors probably minimum of 6 months to figure out what is wrong and many tests....  can I heal myself energetically????

This is what happens to me when I have too much time to focus on me.....  I realize I am not indestructible, I drive my body hard, and I have a hard time asking for and accepting help. 

Oh yeah, my shoulder, my feet, my knee...  I am sure that it all means something in "Louise Hays - You Can Heal Your Life" book...  I am angry, I am guilty, but today no judgments....  My brain is screaming - I do not want to go through any of this....  I know many people have it worse....  Being an empath, I know how hard “they” have it and I am used to feeling” their” pain - but I am not used to feeling my own – HA- and therein lies the rub.......

2012 is a hard one for this "Starseed"!!!!

What happens if I just let it all go?

Something better comes along I am told - is it really true?

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

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