***** TOTALLED *****

Well I was feeling rather optimistic about my car until today.

  I found out the insurance is totally my 2004 Monte Carlo SS "Dale Earnhardt special edition number 1471 of 4000 :(

You know I am not even a racing fan (of NASCAR) this car is just so damn pretty I could not resist getting it.

Messengers come in all sizes - I have had this nagging feeling that I was trying to ignore in the back of my head since the accident.  My messenger was a 17 yr old not paying attention - I cannot be mad at her - but I also do not have to settle for less than my car is worth.  

I have been thinking - maybe I am not suppose to have this car - but I love my car so much. 

 So is it my ego?

  My inability to change? 

 Should I drive a battery operated car for the environment? 

 huhhhhh - it is a lot to think about.  

 I was not ready to give up my car... 

 My other half says its not "practical" - I should have a 4 door car...  All I can hear at this point is blah, blah, blah -

 Unfortunately I did not think this was going to be that big of a deal - when things fall apart - I prop up all the pieces and continue on - maybe a little banged up but I persevere...  

I cannot fix this :( 

 Do I surrender it?

 - how do you live your life without any control over anything.

  I am pretty easy going - yes I am high maintenance when it comes to "me" but otherwise I let "you" do whatever you need to do....  

Do I fight?  

Hire an attorney?  

When is surrender the right answer?

So as of this Thursday or Friday I am car-less - sad and waiting for an answer  .....  :(

Sometimes I think this world is just too harsh...  

Is this my "Jagged Little Pill"...

I know it could be worse, but somehow that doesn't make me feel better right now.