### CONFUSION PTSD ####

Venus turns direct today - yayyyyyyyyy - but of course like everything else we won't feel it for a bit longer......  Saturn the taskmaster turned direct on Monday - but that we still can't feel...

Feel like you are in LIMBO?  Well I do.......

Although I am usually full of comforting words for friends and family, I cannot find those words for myself today......

All I can think of is what I have lost :( 

My rational brain says it's only a car - but it also says you will never have a car like that again.

When I think about the accident, I cannot remember the impact - I remember seeing the car coming fast in my rearview mirror - but then it's like I left my body and came back into it when my husband yelled - she's trying to leave..... another hit and run – nooooo…. 

My neck felt funny and I was dazed - but I had the babies in the car, I was on the way to my Son's Wedding Rehearsal - the last thing I had time for was being hurt.  I had a massage last week because I could not walk on my feet...  My wonderful massage therapist said it was like I absorbed the accident into my hip, legs, feet and hands - the word neuropathy came up - the words ego came up, the image of "Fred Flintstone” came to mind........  How can I be hurt?  I have no patience for a lengthy healing....  Go to the doctor - no - not me - I don't want any drugs - one Tylenol is all my gut can handle..... Months of P/T, who’s going to pay for that????? 

So the waiting has been awful.....  My car was totaled....  My ego was totaled - I know it's sounds pathetic - do you really have to go through the 5 stages of grief over a car???

Well, I guess I do....  and it's not really that much easier on my body...... 

This is an ascension year for many of us....  yeah - maybe that's it....  maybe I am not really hurt, it would take the doctors probably minimum of 6 months to figure out what is wrong and many tests....  can I heal myself energetically????

This is what happens to me when I have too much time to focus on me.....  I realize I am not indestructible, I drive my body hard, and I have a hard time asking for and accepting help. 

Oh yeah, my shoulder, my feet, my knee...  I am sure that it all means something in "Louise Hays - You Can Heal Your Life" book...  I am angry, I am guilty, but today no judgments....  My brain is screaming - I do not want to go through any of this....  I know many people have it worse....  Being an empath, I know how hard “they” have it and I am used to feeling” their” pain - but I am not used to feeling my own – HA- and therein lies the rub.......

2012 is a hard one for this "Starseed"!!!!

What happens if I just let it all go?

Something better comes along I am told - is it really true?

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Deep Man -

my tarot card I got through my email from "www.Astrology.com"

"The Lovers card affirms my alter ego is a port key to aSoul Mate or deal, whose superpower is compatibility in the midst of reconciling dichotomy to interconnect as a whole new entity or 'color.' To be or not to be: at ultimatum or rival tensions mounting, negotiating acceptable trade-offs validates our unique perspectives to reflect what each lacks for a balanced voice of truce. When we're together I'm beside myself, so I concede mutual vested interest, incentive or opportunity to my other half for valued consideration. For only by the power of self-respect in reciprocal vulnerability, need and compassion do 'me and thee consummate we.' The rest is all a dance on the sidelines of Cinderella Pandering or prohibition, or around a Bermuda Triangle of bottom line temptation to cheat by provocation, promiscuity, or shame. But here at the gate of impasse, I still have a choice and my pride."

Today my ego feels like a "hippy chic" - because when  read the explanation of this card I thought "That's deep Man"                                     xoxo  Happy Summer Equinox  xoxo

"remember clothing is entirely optional"

Things I learned this week 6/18/2012

Standing in a vortex

Always be truthful

If it's shiny and bright don't put it in your mouth,
( there is probably lead in it )

Antique stores are sad places full of things that people spent a lifetime collecting :(

***** TOTALLED *****

Well I was feeling rather optimistic about my car until today.

  I found out the insurance is totally my 2004 Monte Carlo SS "Dale Earnhardt special edition number 1471 of 4000 :(

You know I am not even a racing fan (of NASCAR) this car is just so damn pretty I could not resist getting it.

Messengers come in all sizes - I have had this nagging feeling that I was trying to ignore in the back of my head since the accident.  My messenger was a 17 yr old not paying attention - I cannot be mad at her - but I also do not have to settle for less than my car is worth.  

I have been thinking - maybe I am not suppose to have this car - but I love my car so much. 

 So is it my ego?

  My inability to change? 

 Should I drive a battery operated car for the environment? 

 huhhhhh - it is a lot to think about.  

 I was not ready to give up my car... 

 My other half says its not "practical" - I should have a 4 door car...  All I can hear at this point is blah, blah, blah -

 Unfortunately I did not think this was going to be that big of a deal - when things fall apart - I prop up all the pieces and continue on - maybe a little banged up but I persevere...  

I cannot fix this :( 

 Do I surrender it?

 - how do you live your life without any control over anything.

  I am pretty easy going - yes I am high maintenance when it comes to "me" but otherwise I let "you" do whatever you need to do....  

Do I fight?  

Hire an attorney?  

When is surrender the right answer?

So as of this Thursday or Friday I am car-less - sad and waiting for an answer  .....  :(

Sometimes I think this world is just too harsh...  

Is this my "Jagged Little Pill"...

I know it could be worse, but somehow that doesn't make me feel better right now.

Faith

As a 12th house Sun it is hard for me to talk about the great faith I have.
 What perils I have encountered here on Earth School - what lessons I have learned.

I feel a great kinship to the "Holy Family" - I am feeling the divine feminine resurgence...

I always look for symbols in my everyday life that spirit is talking to me.

This is what I got from my kids for "Mother's Day"

The symbol for Mary Magdalene, the blessed family, the perfect "Mother's Day" gift.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo


Grateful for my family....


 - Open to further communication - 

Pre Solar Eclipse 5/20/12

I had a great vision the other day - during one of my 5 minute meditations - I closed my eyes and saw a ring of stars - I smiled - mother - Queen of Heaven - Mary is with me - at that point I saw her face - then I felt a wave of love wash over me.....  I realized all I had done in my life was for learning, I forgave myself for mistakes, I forgave those I love for mistakes, I prayed for the earth, my small part in it's story, my house, town, community, the USA, the president, the water, the animals, the rocks, the universe - Love...

Peace within the family - understanding

Per MoonPluto Astrology:

"This Eclipse is about the 411 (information – Gemini) and about being busy (Virgo) finding your truth (Sagittarius, sign of prophecy), using your intuition (Pisces) to make sense of the life in the houses where this Eclipse energy is happening."

For me the eclipse is:

(also compliments of MoonPluto Astrology)

" the eclipse is actually t-square  (or a grand cross if we include the transiting Nodes of fate as well): squaring your Chiron-Mercury (as well as squaring transiting Chiron-Neptune). What is the dream? There is a dream here that is waiting, that has been waiting. I think it's... something in particular actually that's on your mind " 

and 

The Eclipse is squaring your North Node and Pluto so the question becomes what do you need to change so that you can move further along your path, your destiny, and since we are dealing with the 5th House here, it's about 1. love and it's about 2. your unique self-expression/art/creativity. Also your dreams and goals and what remains unmanifested in your life at this time. I feel like there is much to accomplish. 

*****************************************************************************************

Whew, that's a lot to process.....

***********************************************************************

How's it gonna be for you ?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Are you looking forward to the Venus Transit 6/5/12 ?


* ^j^ * ^j^ * ^j^ * ^j^ * 


* To check out MoonPluto's Blog:  http://moonplutoastrology.com *

Are You Open To Receive?

Yesterday I was listening to a lesson on the human ego....  Actually my last blog was about the human  ego ....   The shadow side of ego.....  

Today I want to talk about accepting help without judgement against yourself or anyone else.  When people say "pray for me", "sending Light and Love", "please send healing" etc....

As a Reiki practitioner - I can attest to the power of energy healing and bodywork.  Prayers and intentions are just like sending light and love to a person.  Your soul can receive these prayers, intentions, light, love, healing and filter them down to you - but are you able to accept them?

Can you overcome your ego driven mind?  Your ego wants to control everything and everyone so you stay protected in your pain.  You must learn to release your pain - love it - forgive it - and then be open to receive the full benefits of all intentions for love and healing sent your way...

Every morning when I wake up  - I say good morning to all my guides, my animals, my soul and accept all prayers/healing sent from the light on my behalf.  I do this without fear because I know only the light can come to me through my soul.

I am open to receive, I am open to receive, I am open to receive


See how much better you will feel when you open yourself up to your highest outcome :)


^j^ ****xoxoxoxoxoxoxox**** ^j^